Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
