the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
