i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
