There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
