My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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