I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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