you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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