Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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