He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
