And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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