We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
