I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Even my vagina gasped.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
