I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
