i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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