I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
