so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
