better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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