cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
