I must be too annoying 4 u.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
