Do you still have your period?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
