So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
