He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
