your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
