Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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