I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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