there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize