he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize