I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
