It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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