I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
