Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
