I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
