Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
