Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
