and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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