the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize