I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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