I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
