Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
