I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
