what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wear drunk well.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize