i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
