I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
