i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
