New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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