hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
