Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
