I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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