Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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