I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
