did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
