He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
