i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize