so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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