i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
