if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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