I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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