I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
