Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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