Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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