Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
