im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
