you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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