Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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