i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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