Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
