wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
