i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
