just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
