how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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