i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
